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After I reached my 50th birthday, I began to spend more time reflecting on the last 25 years of my life, and the work I’ve done as a therapist, helping hundreds of clients. At the end of this time of introspection, reflection, and assessment, I reached one conclusion: “Life is a journey that has a beginning, then a middle, that leads to an eventual end.”
Here are the lessons I’ve learned:
Regrets are a waste of time and a thief of joy.
Regret doesn’t change or solve anything. It is a wasted emotion. You will never get a second chance to do it right the first time. If you messed up, then you messed up. Deal with that and move on with your life. Feeling regret does nothing to change reality; the best you can hope for is to get a second crack at it. If you don’t have that second chance, keep moving forward, make the most of your new normal, and don’t look back.
Family is the center of the heart.
Regardless of how they came in your life, or what role they play, family matters. Family will teach you about forgiveness, patience, and unconditional love. Family is the mirror of your soul. It reflects your fears, joys, hopes, and dreams, especially as it pertains to your life partner and your children. When it’s all over, you won’t wish you spent more time at work, or with friends, you’ll regret not having spent more time with the family you love.
Health is everything.
Someone once said, “As you breathe right now, another person takes his last. So stop complaining and learn to live with what you have.” People tend to take health for granted when they are young because they believe they have a long time ahead of them. The problem is, if you don’t take care of your health when you are young, you will have a life that is challenging and limiting when you are old. It is when you are old that you will understand that being able to physically and emotionally do everything one chooses to do is a blessing, and it’s liberating.
Wealth provides freedom and power.
Money isn’t everything, but if you are sick and suffering, money may help you to minimize the impact of your pain. Appreciating money is nothing to be ashamed of. Desiring wealth should not be a source of embarrassment. Understand that wealth is not only based on income and net worth. Access to credit and financial freedom is an essential part of wealth. However, to obtain real wealth, you must have a wealth mindset. The problem is, most people put more effort into planning a vacation than they do planning their financial life. Give importance to wealth building and wealth management.
Friends make life more fun and entertaining.
According to the Mayo Clinic, having good friends is good for your health. Friendships keep you grounded and connected to the world around you. Friendship also increases your sense of belonging and purpose, boosts your happiness, and reduces stress, improves your self-confidence and self-worth, and helps you cope with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss, or the death of a loved one. However, some friends are meant to be lifelong, and others are seasonal. Learning the difference between the two is crucial if you want to maximize the benefits of your friendships and reduce hurt feelings.
Work is work.
It's not as important to love what you do as it is to like it. A good job provides you with what you need. To know what you need, you must decide what you value and know who you are. Not everyone will love their job, meaning they would do it for free if they didn't get paid for it. Liking a job is a preference and can change because it's based on feelings. So look for what you love, but if you don’t find it, take the job that you like. In fact, don’t look for a job, find a career. A career is based on interests, talents, and passions and can encompass many forms of work.
Move from fear to fearlessness.
One of the biggest reasons why people don’t succeed is fear: fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, fear of being disappointed or disappointing others, and fear of overreaching one's abilities. In reality, fear cannot stop you. It cannot keep you from obtaining success and living to your full potential. It cannot keep you from living life to the fullest. It cannot prevent you from seizing opportunities or going after goals that you desire to achieve. Only you can do that. When you find yourself facing fear, admit you are afraid, get up, and do that thing you are scared of doing. Remember that courage is not the absence of fear; it is moving forward in spite of fear.
Being a realist is not all it's cracked up to be.
Realism is often masked by fear and lack of optimism. Recognize the difference between a realistic view and a view driven by fear or lack of optimism. Not knowing the difference can turn you into a dream killer. . .even of your own dreams. Optimism is a good thing. It is necessary to spring action, inspire others, the fuel to get through challenges. I'm not a naturally optimistic person, but I now value this trait. I'm more of a realist who believes in change. I'm moving more towards reality-based optimism.
It's vital to take time out to be still.
This world is so busy. If you are not intentional in seeking rest, you will never find it. The reason being, there is always more to be done. The Jews incorporated this into their lifestyle. They call it the Sabbath. They state that it was given to man by God because he recognized how much they needed time to rest from their daily grind. Now more than ever, this is a crucial thing to consider. We often manage busy lives and fail to take time for reflection, and spiritual, relational, and personal growth. Incorporate Sabbath into your schedule; it's a God-given gift.
Jump in the puddles.
Yes! I watched one day as a mother not only allowed her children to jump in the puddles, but she cheered and celebrated them as they did. I watched this mother encourage her two children to jump straight into a puddle and splash around. I observed the other parents watching this event with expressions of horror and disbelief, as they directed their children to walk around the puddle. The children in the puddle worked through their hesitations and discovered something new, fun, and exciting. Do fun things and silly things without worrying about what others might think. It's okay if you get messy and explore all the world has to offer. Run in the rain, dance on the table, laugh the night away, or jump in the puddle. Whatever you do, have fun!